The High-Conflict Couple A Dialectical Behavior Therapy Guide to Finding Peace, Intimacy, and Validation (Alan Fruzzetti) (Z-Library) (Alan Fruzzetti)
- Your Highlight on Location 123-124 | Added on Monday, December 11, 2023 12:30:07 AM
emotions are complex processes like walking or talking, things that we actually do that affect other things inside us and also affect others.
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- Your Highlight on Location 126-126 | Added on Monday, December 11, 2023 12:30:30 AM
an emotion is just one moment out of a long process of emoting or feeling. Unfortunately, we don’t
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- Your Highlight on Location 128-131 | Added on Monday, December 11, 2023 12:31:09 AM
At any given moment, there are events going on all around us, such as sights and sounds and other aspects of the physical and social world. There are also events going on inside us, such as memories, images, thoughts, or sensations. All of these events, in addition to our attention, and our sensation and perception systems (which allow us to be aware of what’s going on), influence emotion directly.
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- Your Highlight on Location 131-132 | Added on Monday, December 11, 2023 12:31:48 AM
it’s clear that there are many biological and biochemical processes in our brains that influence the course of emotions.
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- Your Highlight on Location 132-136 | Added on Monday, December 11, 2023 12:31:58 AM
However, the extent to which we are aware of our emotions, how we label them (and whether we are accurate), and how we express them also profoundly affect the process. And, finally, how others respond to us—particularly people we are close to—shapes the direction of our emotion in very important ways. Certain responses, such as understanding and validating our experience, soothe our frayed emotional edges, but others, such as criticizing or invalidating our experience, are like salt in an open wound in our hearts.
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- Your Highlight on Location 137-139 | Added on Monday, December 11, 2023 12:32:12 AM
when we regulate or manage our emotion, we also are regulating our ability to think and act in ways that are effective and move us forward in our relationships, at work, or with other activities in life.
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- Your Highlight on Location 141-142 | Added on Monday, December 11, 2023 12:33:09 AM
At high enough levels of arousal, we begin to focus very narrowly on simply escaping from the aversive state of high negative emotion. This
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- Your Highlight on Location 144-146 | Added on Monday, December 11, 2023 12:33:25 AM
being out of control describes a natural state in which we are not thinking or acting in a very clear way; we are no longer focused on our longer-term goals but are increasingly focused on the immediate goal of reducing this negative tension or arousal.
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- Your Highlight on Location 148-148 | Added on Monday, December 11, 2023 12:33:49 AM
being dysregulated is not the same as being upset.
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- Your Highlight on Location 160-161 | Added on Monday, December 11, 2023 12:35:47 AM
alternative is to break the cycle, responding in a way that deescalates the conflict without reducing self-respect.
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- Your Highlight on Location 164-166 | Added on Monday, December 11, 2023 12:36:28 AM
are several factors that make you vulnerable to high negative emotional arousal and subsequent emotion dysregulation. They include how sensitive you are to relationship events and things your partner (or others) says or does; reactivity, or how much you react when you do perceive stressful or negative events; and time to equilibrium, or how long it takes you to return to “normal” emotionally
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- Your Highlight on Location 175-177 | Added on Monday, December 11, 2023 12:38:09 AM
These differences in overall emotional sensitivity result from ordinary developmental processes, the way conflict situations were handled by parents during childhood, as well as from the basic temperament with which you were born.
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- Your Highlight on Location 191-192 | Added on Monday, December 11, 2023 12:40:36 AM
emotional equilibrium is a regulated state, in which we can think and act clearly, purposefully, and effectively. When
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- Your Highlight on Location 195-196 | Added on Monday, December 11, 2023 12:41:24 AM
Understanding how long it takes to return to emotional equilibrium can help couples decide whether, when, and for how long they should take a break when discussing particularly emotional
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- Your Highlight on Location 225-228 | Added on Monday, December 11, 2023 12:44:51 AM
specifically, if we are able to describe the situation, what we want, what is happening, and legitimize the emotional process even when we do not like it, typically our emotional arousal will start the return toward a lower state of emotional upset and eventually back to normal emotional arousal (which might mean you are content or satisfied).
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- Your Highlight on Location 228-229 | Added on Monday, December 11, 2023 12:44:58 AM
In contrast, if we judge the situation, or our partner, as wrong or bad, catastrophize the situation, or become hopeless or negative in our expectations, our arousal will stay high or actually get higher, further dysregulating our thinking and other actions.
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The High-Conflict Couple A Dialectical Behavior Therapy Guide to Finding Peace, Intimacy, and Validation (Alan Fruzzetti) (Z-Library) (Alan Fruzzetti)
- Your Highlight on Location 234-236 | Added on Tuesday, December 12, 2023 12:10:37 AM
“conflict” here simply means situations of apparent disagreement, situations in which at least one partner doesn’t like something the other is or is not doing, or situations in which negotiation or agreement is desired.
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- Your Highlight on Location 322-323 | Added on Wednesday, December 13, 2023 11:26:48 PM
an effective partner, in dancing or in other ways, requires practice and skill. Being an effective couple or team requires practice together.
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- Your Highlight on Location 345-350 | Added on Wednesday, December 13, 2023 11:30:23 PM
Notice your level of emotional arousal right now. If it is low or moderate, notice how you feel toward your partner, your commitment to your relationship, and notice what you want out of your relationship. If your goals include having a loving relationship, notice just that. Now, ask yourself, what if you had been able to recall these loving intentions, these desires, just seconds before the last time you snapped at your partner? What if, at that moment, you were truly aware that this is a person you love and who loves you, and that how you treat him or her would go a long way toward determining whether you get what you want in your relationship?
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- Your Highlight on Location 361-363 | Added on Wednesday, December 13, 2023 11:31:52 PM
“Your happiness is my happiness, and your unhappiness is my unhappiness. When I take care of your needs, I am also taking care of my own. When I treat you with love and kindness, I am taking care of myself also.”
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- Your Highlight on Location 364-367 | Added on Wednesday, December 13, 2023 11:32:17 PM
if you prefer, “Is this going to get me what I really want in the long term?” Practice this one as much as possible, even several times per day. Notice how empowering it is to be able to choose how you proceed rather than simply reacting.
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- Your Highlight on Location 394-395 | Added on Thursday, December 14, 2023 11:25:23 PM
Often, people suggest that logic and emotion are opposite. However, in this view, they are simply different things.
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- Your Highlight on Location 396-397 | Added on Thursday, December 14, 2023 11:25:41 PM
There is nothing illogical about emotions, and nothing unemotional about logic; they are simply different systems.
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- Your Highlight on Location 688-690 | Added on Friday, December 15, 2023 9:23:47 AM
even when they do things together physically, they often are not “together” emotionally, but rather are on red alert for signs of impending conflict, hypervigilant to anything the other does that might signal dislike, disapproval, or further distance.
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- Your Highlight on Location 695-696 | Added on Friday, December 15, 2023 9:24:38 AM
This means that certain situations themselves have become conditioned to lead to escalating negative arousal, regardless of what you or your partner does in those situations.
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- Your Highlight on Location 700-701 | Added on Friday, December 15, 2023 9:24:54 AM
reconditioning difficult situations before you enter them.
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- Your Highlight on Location 710-712 | Added on Friday, December 15, 2023 9:25:47 AM
This can be approached in a number of ways, but perhaps the most efficient is either to have a consistent place (physical location) or a specific, tangible stimulus that evokes opposite emotions.
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- Your Highlight on Location 716-717 | Added on Friday, December 15, 2023 9:26:12 AM
If you go there every day for a few minutes and think about your partner mindfully, think about how important he or she is to you, how much you love him or her, after not too many days, this place will become associated with warm and loving feelings toward your partner.
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- Your Highlight on Location 719-720 | Added on Friday, December 15, 2023 9:26:30 AM
It is better to go somewhere else when you are upset to comfort yourself when you need to. This spot should be for one thing and one thing only: thinking about and experiencing your partner in a loving way.
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- Your Highlight on Location 724-724 | Added on Friday, December 15, 2023 9:26:50 AM
This location is like shining a bright light on what is in your heart but hidden in the shadow of your anger.
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- Your Highlight on Location 727-728 | Added on Friday, December 15, 2023 9:27:04 AM
An alternative to creating a relationship charging station in a particular location is to create something tangible that evokes similar emotions and thoughts.
