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More Than Two: A Practical Guide to Ethical Polyamory (Veaux, Franklin)
- Seu destaque na página 32 | posição 629-631 | Adicionado: sábado, 24 de junho de 2017 13:15:26
poly relationships thrive most readily when they are free to change and adapt. When the people in the relationship are more important than the structure of the relationship—when they are free to advocate for their needs, to grow even in unexpected ways
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More Than Two: A Practical Guide to Ethical Polyamory (Veaux, Franklin)
- Seu destaque na página 33 | posição 634-635 | Adicionado: sábado, 24 de junho de 2017 13:17:06
When we treat people as components to fit roles we have scripted for them, they are likely to feel disempowered, which plants the seeds for all kinds of trouble.
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More Than Two: A Practical Guide to Ethical Polyamory (Veaux, Franklin)
- Seu destaque na página 33 | posição 638-638 | Adicionado: sábado, 24 de junho de 2017 13:17:49
Eliezer Yudkowsky says, "You are personally responsible for becoming more ethical than the society you grew up in."
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More Than Two: A Practical Guide to Ethical Polyamory (Veaux, Franklin)
- Seu destaque na página 34 | posição 647-648 | Adicionado: sábado, 24 de junho de 2017 13:19:16
Am I focusing on an idealized fantasy more than on making organic connections with real people?
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More Than Two: A Practical Guide to Ethical Polyamory (Veaux, Franklin)
- Seu destaque na página 38 | posição 712-714 | Adicionado: sábado, 24 de junho de 2017 13:43:37
the compass directions we've seen that lead to strong, vibrant, happy relationships are courage, communication, willingness to accept responsibility for your own emotions, respect for the autonomy of others, compassion and empathy.
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More Than Two: A Practical Guide to Ethical Polyamory (Veaux, Franklin)
- Seu destaque na página 39 | posição 716-717 | Adicionado: sábado, 24 de junho de 2017 13:44:51
trust that you don't have to control your partner, because your partner, given the freedom to do anything, will want to cherish and support you.
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More Than Two: A Practical Guide to Ethical Polyamory (Veaux, Franklin)
- Seu destaque na página 40 | posição 743-744 | Adicionado: sábado, 24 de junho de 2017 13:48:11
We have the right to want what we want. We do not, however, have the right to get what we want.
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More Than Two: A Practical Guide to Ethical Polyamory (Veaux, Franklin)
- Seu destaque na página 41 | posição 754-755 | Adicionado: sábado, 24 de junho de 2017 13:50:09
The people in a relationship are more important than the relationship. Don't treat people as things.
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More Than Two: A Practical Guide to Ethical Polyamory (Veaux, Franklin)
- Seu destaque na página 41 | posição 759-761 | Adicionado: sábado, 24 de junho de 2017 19:39:46
relationships exist to serve the people in them. If a relationship stops serving the people in it, it's not doing its job. It may not even have a reason to exist anymore.
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More Than Two: A Practical Guide to Ethical Polyamory (Veaux, Franklin)
- Seu destaque na página 43 | posição 795-798 | Adicionado: sábado, 24 de junho de 2017 19:56:07
Most of us will, over the course of our lives, encounter situations—perhaps at work, in our families of origin or on the streets—where we have to put up emotional walls and accept a loss of control over our lives, our minds or even our bodies. But we should never have to do that in our loving relationships. This may seem obvious, but make no mistake: it's a radical idea.
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More Than Two: A Practical Guide to Ethical Polyamory (Veaux, Franklin)
- Seu destaque na página 44 | posição 801-804 | Adicionado: sábado, 24 de junho de 2017 19:57:28
If a partner of yours has sex with a dozen casual hookups, he may be breaking an agreement, but he has not (yet) violated your consent. If he then has sex with you—or engages in other forms of intimacy, including emotional intimacy—without telling you about his actions, he has violated your consent, because he has deprived you of the ability to make an informed choice.
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More Than Two: A Practical Guide to Ethical Polyamory (Veaux, Franklin)
- Seu destaque na página 44 | posição 814-815 | Adicionado: sábado, 24 de junho de 2017 19:59:10
An omission is a lie when it is calculated to conceal information that, were it known to the other party, would be materially relevant to her.
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More Than Two: A Practical Guide to Ethical Polyamory (Veaux, Franklin)
- Seu destaque na página 45 | posição 820-821 | Adicionado: sábado, 24 de junho de 2017 20:00:39
look at your partners and ask yourself if you respect their ability to choose—even if a choice hurts you, even if it's not what you would choose—because we cannot consent if we do not have a choice.
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More Than Two: A Practical Guide to Ethical Polyamory (Veaux, Franklin)
- Seu destaque na página 48 | posição 875-876 | Adicionado: sábado, 24 de junho de 2017 20:08:44
Am I imposing consequences that will make others feel unsafe saying no to me?
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More Than Two: A Practical Guide to Ethical Polyamory (Veaux, Franklin)
- Seu destaque na página 55 | posição 956-957 | Adicionado: sábado, 24 de junho de 2017 20:23:46
Understand where you are, yes, but also understand that it's okay to be there, at least for now.
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More Than Two: A Practical Guide to Ethical Polyamory (Veaux, Franklin)
- Seu destaque na página 61 | posição 1037-1039 | Adicionado: sábado, 24 de junho de 2017 21:06:53
There's a kind of calm that comes from believing you can handle a situation, even one you haven't faced before, and that calm increases your competence. This effect is called self-efficacy.
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More Than Two: A Practical Guide to Ethical Polyamory (Veaux, Franklin)
- Seu destaque na página 62 | posição 1060-1060 | Adicionado: sexta-feira, 30 de junho de 2017 09:48:57
Believing that you can be alone and thrive, that you can survive the end of something and rebuild, are important elements of self-efficacy.
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More Than Two: A Practical Guide to Ethical Polyamory (Veaux, Franklin)
- Seu destaque na página 63 | posição 1075-1076 | Adicionado: sexta-feira, 30 de junho de 2017 09:50:55
"After a few days of feeling in free-fall, it's like I suddenly looked behind me and realized…Oh. I have wings."
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More Than Two: A Practical Guide to Ethical Polyamory (Veaux, Franklin)
- Seu destaque na página 64 | posição 1088-1089 | Adicionado: sexta-feira, 30 de junho de 2017 09:53:24
Some people elaborately construct their entire lives to avoid confronting fear. Many people use the hearts of their lovers or their metamours as sacrifices to the unknown beasts they think live within the darkness they're not willing to explore.
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More Than Two: A Practical Guide to Ethical Polyamory (Veaux, Franklin)
- Seu destaque na página 65 | posição 1104-1106 | Adicionado: sexta-feira, 30 de junho de 2017 09:56:24
courage is not a destination. Courage is a verb, grammarians be damned: it's not something you have, it's something you do. You practice a bit every day. And if you fall down, if your courage fails you, you always get another chance. Always.
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More Than Two: A Practical Guide to Ethical Polyamory (Veaux, Franklin)
- Seu destaque na página 66 | posição 1113-1115 | Adicionado: sexta-feira, 30 de junho de 2017 09:57:58
that's exactly how we try to learn skills like trust and courage. We try to build the skills that can help us face our fears by doing things that are completely unrelated to courage—things like avoiding the triggers for our fears, or creating structures that shelter us from the things we're afraid of, waiting until we feel brave.
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More Than Two: A Practical Guide to Ethical Polyamory (Veaux, Franklin)
- Seu destaque na página 66 | posição 1119-1121 | Adicionado: sexta-feira, 30 de junho de 2017 09:58:36
As you well know, you learn to swim by getting in the water. Maybe you start with kicks at the shallow end of the pool, but you need to get wet. We learn courage by taking a deep breath, steadying ourselves, and then choosing the difficult, scary path over the easy way out. As the theologian Mary Daly said, we "learn courage by couraging."
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